To Be A Mom

Today was a busy, rowdy and laughing boys as usual day. Did some learning in the morning. Played at the park for lunch. Looked around at the sunshine and crazy warm weather for November, and thought of winter happening in other states.

Then tonight, as we got closer to bedtime, the boys complained of heads that hurt, and moved much more slower than usual, moaning. I ministered to them with oils and such, with Brooke following me around, watching.

Kevin said he wished he hadn't of ran so much today. I told him not to worry, and that's just what he does best, run:) I put a wet wash cloth on his head, rubbed some oils on his feet, and held his hand. I looked at his sweet, little face, and remembered how much I love him, and how glad I am to be their mom. To be the one to soothe them when the get sick, and need just plain ol comfort. Brooke intently touched him, and wanted to sleep in his bed with him. She is such a sweetheart. I turned on some music for Kevin, and he zonked out pronto.

I then put Brooke to bed, who wanted her own wet washcloth, even though she was bouncing around just fine. Turned her music on, then went for Ethan. Gave him a wet washcloth, and read to him some good "Calvin and Hobbes" stories, his favorite.

I then plugged in his Christmas lights, (they got a little excited to pull out the decorations early), got my guitar and made up a song for him. His eyes were closed, holding a stuffed Tigger, but his face would smile gently when he heard me sing his name. Best medicine ever. I thought back to that beginner guitar class I took at Ricks College back in 2000, and how grateful I am that I learned guitar. As he dozed off, I enjoyed playing John Denver songs to myself quietly. I love the sound og guitar picking.

I'm so thankful for moments to remind me to not yell so much or expect too much of these kids. To remember that they're cute kids trying to learn how to be good and all, but that they're gifts from above. All I need to do is love them, and take care of myself, fill my cup, be kind to myself, and stay afloat. Not every day are 'rays of sunshine' as my cousin's funny husband once said, but each day I can try a little more to love them more. It's not an easy job to be a mom, especially one with young kids so close in age. It can feel like survival mode for awhile,  but to give them hugs, and comfort their tender little hearts; I think that's just what Heavenly Father wants us to do for his children he sends to us.

Thankful

I love the word 'inspire'. I love what it does to my soul. I love that it ignites a spark for my ideas, and gives me such illumination to my goals. It is my favorite word.

I know that I have to be so careful with my time, as there are many things to be inspired by, and one can easily get caught up in the whirlwinds of goodness. I have to constantly monitor what I am spending my time on, and do inventories with myself. 

I have the desire to write good things, but I am not a gifted writer. I read from many others who have a beautiful way with words, a gift. I am a simple person. I love the beauty of things, but I feel that I am very simple, and that's ok.

I am blessed to know amazing friends. They teach me quietly all the time with their doings and examples. I try very hard not to compare myself, but I am grateful to know them, and to learn from them. 

I am thankful for my memories of my life so far. I've been on some wild adventures with my mom, college life, mission, and more. Life seemed to be busier and more active before the kiddos came. Now, I guess you could say it's still active with young kids, but slow, simple days at home, which are a blessing. 

Grateful for cooking. I love good food. The kitchen seems to always get destroyed with each meal. Can't seem to change that one. Maybe eat on more plastic plates on those crazy days. Nothing wrong with that:)

I am so thankful for my short time in Vancouver, WA. It's been three months since we moved back. I think of the people often, the sights of the trees, the climate, and the adventures we were on. They are in the back of my mind, while I focus on the present. It still is a gift to be home, and partake of the goodness that is here, but I still am forever grateful for our time up there. 

I am thankful for phone calls from old friends whom I've shared some fun chapters with. Hearing the sound of their voice takes me back to those days for a moment. Blessing. 

I'm thankful to be a Mom. It is the hardest calling I've ever had. I'm learning that it is one of constant personal renewal. In order to teach children how to be a good person, I need to be a good person. To cease yelling and bring peaceful interactions into the home, I must constantly work on myself, and pray for help always. Constant mistakes, and starting over again and again. Being a Mom changes you for the better, and shows you your worst moments, which help you want to change. Hard, but a blessing. 

These are the things I am grateful for today:)

My Manifesto

I am on a little vacation. It's a tender treat. My friend Amy flew me to her home in Stockton, CA to help her shoot a wedding. It's always fun to visit a new place. I took a walk this morning around the neighborhood, smelled the smells, listened to the birds and sounds, and marveled at the California trees that I grew up seeing.

This morning, I had some time to play around with Amy's endless supply of fonts on her computer. Oh, fonts are so much fun. I love quotes and all things inspirational, and so I looked through my Pinterest boards of quotes, typing them out with many pretty fonts. After a bit, I wanted to type out something that really spoke to me. I searched and searched for something, and finally thought "Well, I'll just write something". I came up with this. I think I'll print it, journal it, tape it on wall, and do a few more things with it. I like it. Had the thought to share it:)

I will no longer be hard on myself and give the adversary that power over me. I will also realize that I will make mistakes often, and will not expect perfection. The days are long, and the years are short with my children. I am blessed with three beautiful souls in my home who teach me how to be a better person. I will pray for the understanding and patience I need to experience better days with my children. I will be gentle. I will be kind. I will laugh more, and hug more. I will take time to deep breathe, and to slow down before I react. I will not let the natural man get the better of me, but will be vigilant in taking care of myself. To fill my cup more, to nurture my soul, that I may be a help to my family, and to others. I will love my husband and children with more passion, and more tenderness. I will treasure my husband more, and remember that we are together forever. I will remember that being a mother is a gift and a treasured calling. There still will be hard days. There still will be tears of frustration. Those are needed for growth and humbling. How else can I learn and be molded into something better, if not for the hard days. I will breathe and pray through them, and will embrace the good days, and savor the peaceful moments when they come. My time on earth is fleeting. Each day is a gift, and gives me more chances to learn something new, and to try again at becoming better and kinder. It wasn't supposed to be easy, but I have tools to help me through the rough parts, and tools to bring me peace and enlightenment. I have books to read written by inspired authors. I have scriptures that bring light to my mind, and are a channel to hear the spirit whisper to me, and music to flow through my home and heart. I have opportunities given to me every day, and I’m expected to not throw them aside, but to learn from them. I have angels on my side to strengthen me when I have a hard time finding hope. I can do this. I am alive, and I am here to embrace my time on earth, through the hard days and blessed days. Life is beautiful, through it all. 

Bednar's Social Media Address

A few weeks ago, David A. Bednar gave a powerhouse talk at BYU Education Week about using social media to share goodness. It was an amazing talk that can be seen here.  I loved it so much that I watched it a few more times afterwards and picked up new things.

We live in an incredible time today, with powerful tools of communication. He emphasized to use these tools to 'sweep the earth as with a flood' of good messages, upliftment, and peace. It left me thinking of what I like to do online; share things on Instagram and Facebook. I thought about the huge, vast amount of people who may see the things I share. Who knows what things I share may help one person, at least one person, find peace and draw closer to the Savior. I hope so.

The hashtag #sharegoodness has been recommended to be used when sharing things online through Instagram and Facebook. I imagine when posting something good, and using the hashtag, that it sends a ripple effect out into the online world. I love it. Missionary work now comes in all forms, and a large amount of it is online. Lifting, loving, and helping others can be done in small and simple ways.

I am a busy mom homeschooling my kiddos, running a photography business, and balancing life, but I want to use these tools more effectively like Bednar counseled us to. I love the gospel so much. I've seen lives with the gospel, and lives without. I love the peace it brings. I want to help in some small way share that goodness with others. I'm so thankful for this talk that rocked the world. I searched on Instagram under the hashtag 'Bednar'. There are loads of pics from people who were at that address, all ready to go and start sharing goodness, with a great attitude of 'let's do it'. How stinking exciting.

The church put up a great page on how to share goodness from this address. Check it out, and share something uplifting to help someone today:)

PS: I made a simple little printout of Bednar's guidelines HERE. Feel free to print off and hang it somewhere to see often:)

A Great Ward

Just a few pics from our journey in Washington:) 

Definition of an LDS ward: ward is the larger of two types of local congregations (the smaller being a branch). Wikipedia 

I have lived in many wards. Burbank first ward and Carpinteria ward in CA, Desert view, Mountain Shadows, San Destin, and a few more in Las Vegas, Kamiah first ward in Idaho, Parkland ward in Tacoma, Wa, Lecanto, Lake city, Jacksonville, Williston in Florida, a Provo student ward in Utah, and a handful of student wards in Rexburg, Idaho. 

I have seen a lot. Each ward had their own flavor and great gifts to share. I want to take a moment and talk about the last ward I lived in, the Salmon Creek ward in Vancouver, Washington. 

The very first Sunday in September that we came, I immediately saw that this ward was quick to laugh. There was a sweetness and kind feeling that was felt in the sacrament meeting. I loved it. Here's why being quick to laugh is so great; your heart is more open. Not so closed up and wrapped in your own stuff. More quick to embrace and love others. It is such a great trait. I saw our family be embraced and loved instantly. I'm forever grateful. 

Gospel Doctrine class: 

This class was amazing. Nothing short of a CES fireside, meaning extremely rich in content, teaching and participation. Hardly an open seat, and I always wanted to sit in front row. Took notes like a mad woman. Everyone talked! Wonderful thoughts were shared. More laughter. I could tell that people had lived in this ward for a long time, so classes at times were more like a family reunion with jokes and such shared directly at times with others. I loved watching it happen. I hung on to every moment of my last gospel doctrine class there, knowing that my next ward might not be the same as this. 

Relief Society, women's gospel doctrine class: 

Relief Society was a riot. When you get a bunch of ladies together and everyone's laughing, it's a great sound. One time we all sang the opening song. Hardly any of us knew it, and it didn't come out sounding the prettiest. Our relief society president made a funny face and said 'yea, we're done'. The whole room erupted in laughter. So great. Everyone there had their unique gifts to share, their touch of kindness, and beautiful testimonies to impart. I gained so much from them. 

Ward choir:

The first time I went to choir, they immediately made me feel welcome and a part of the gang. It was held in the choir director's home, with beautiful windows that showed the forest of trees outside. I kept getting distracted gazing out the window while we rehearsed. 

The first time the choir opened their mouths to sing, I was blown away. I thought, 'Holy crap! This is not a ward choir. Mini mormon tabernacle choir.' They loved music, blended beautifully, and captured emotion. They are very, very good.

The choir director was so familiar to me, because there is a Las Vegas version of him directing my stake's choir right now with the same passion for music and same darling sense of humor. Because of his love for music, he helped the choir soar musically. Such a blessing to sing with them. 

Ward email chat:

I'm sure other wards have something like this, or I hope they do. This chat was a great tool to help unify the ward through many opportunities, mostly service. Sometimes, it's hard for us to serve. We're not sure what we can do, scared to get out of our comfort zone, whatever. This chat gave many opportunities to serve and get to know each other. One time a mom was locked out of her home and needed help with the garage. She wrote for help on the chat. I saw about 30 minutes later she got help. Pretty neat. The ward chat was great. 

My family and I were so lucky to live in this ward and experience it's sweetness. I will never forget the smiles and love of those members. I try to carry it with me.

Now, I've had the unique opportunity of moving back into a ward we lived in 5 years ago. It's not every day when people are delighted that you move into their ward and your one of the topics at ward council. That was nice. It's a small ward, with tiny boundaries, almost feeling like a branch.

My first Sunday back, I thought 'Well, it's not the magnitude of Salmon Creek,,but it's ok. Now, what kind of good can I do here?'. Since then, I've been put to work with my music. It's been wonderful to see old friends who have never moved out of the ward, and make new friends. There are some great people in this ward. I love meeting good people everywhere. 

To the dear Salmon Creek folk who are reading, thank you so much for loving us, and for sharing your testimonies, love of music, and kindness with me. Please go to Lewisville park for me and have John Denver moments in the river, soaking up the beauty. I've traded tall trees and moisture for magnificent skies and breathtaking desert sunsets in Vegas, but I now hold a special place in my heart for Vancouver:) 

The Last Sunday

This picture was taken about a week before we left. We loved this river, even with the water being a tad chilly:) 

My last Sunday in the Salmon Creek ward of Vancouver, WA was very special. When you know this is the last day somewhere, everything is sacred and tender. I hugged people tighter, looked at everyone, and hung on to every word said. I watched people greet others and tried to memorize their smiles in my mind. 

In the Gospel Doctrine class, I took notes like a mad woman. The teachers were amazing. I savored the laughter, and the sweet joking between the teacher and people in the class. 

I went to my dear young women's class for the last time, and it was such a treasure. They spoiled me with sweet gifts that I have on display in my home. So thoughtful. 

I then experienced one of the greatest blessings ever when one beautiful girl brought her guitar out, and sang a song she wrote for me. It was such a turn of the tables for me, as I'm always the one who is writing songs for others and singing it to them on my guitar or piano. Countless times I have done that, but rarely has someone written one for me. It was the sweetest, most sincere and loving act of kindness ever. 

Church was over. We got the kids and made our way out to the car. A dear couple drove by us, stopped and called out their goodbyes. I thanked the choir director for one of the best choir experiences ever. We drove home, and my heart was so full of thanks, sadness, and love for the dear, good people of that ward, thinking 'I sure was lucky to experience that'. I'll never forget them. 

Upcoming posts; one for my young women, and one specifically about the neat things that ward did:)

Why we came back home

Well, I don't have internet on my laptop yet, so this will be short and simple. Hard to write a post on phone. 

Last year in September, we sold our home in Las Vegas and moved. Just felt the need to. Can't explain why. We had a wonderful 10 months in Vancouver, Washington. 

We learned and experienced a lot. It's another planet up there! A different kind of beautiful. As some of you good friends saw from my Instagrams, we explored a ton. A great way to live. 

We lived in one of the best LDS wards ever. A gift that I will explain in more details on a future blog post. 

I was blessed to serve the young women at church, and loved them all, especially my 5 dear Miamaids. Another whole post coming up on that:) 

We struggled and grew from it. Cost of living is a bit higher in WA. We wanted to afford our bills again, and survive financially while going through Nursing school. One reason to move home. 

While the summers there are beautiful, they're actually not hot and long enough for us. We learned that we actually do prefer the desert summers, imagine that? 

The trees were hundreds of feet tall and beautiful, but blocked out any horizon views. Coming home last week and seeing a sunset was a gift. 

The day we arrived home was a day of many emotions. We'd been waiting since January to come home, but in the meantime we lived it up in WA. It took three months of online job hunting for Vegas jobs. No interviews. Test of faith. Finally, a phone interview came which turned into a job, our ticket home. I have learned again that Heavenly Father knows best. He saved the perfect CNA job for Shaun, and we had to learn patience while we applied to dozens of jobs. He knows our needs and wants to bless us. I have seen his blessings in our lives since we left last year, and before. 

It's bittersweet. While it has been wonderful to come home and hug old friends, I left amazing new friends in WA. A piece of my heart is left there. There are good people everywhere, and it was lucky to meet some of them, and experience a much different way of life. Beauty abounds. I used to despise the desert, no joke. Now, it couldn't be more beautiful to me. Isn't that funny? I see things now like the sky, clouds, sunset and huge, vast horizon that I didn't see before. Funny how life does that to you:)

Since 1991, this is the fourth time I have moved to Las Vegas. I just think that's hilarious. You have to live here to know why it's great. It's so fun to live here. 

More blog posts to come, but that's it for now. That was a lot of finger tapping to get this out:) 

Dear Salmon Creek friends; thankyou for blessing me life, and sharing your kindness with me. I feel like Audrey Hepburn on 'Roman Holiday' when she said at the end, 'I will cherish my time in Rome for as long as I live.' My thoughts exactly about Vancouver:)

The Pen and Scripture Journals

Ever since I read an article about reading with a pen, underlining things that stuck out to you, make notes, etc, reading has been most enjoyable! 

Birthday boy

He just won't stop growing. He's getting so big, and he's 7! Wow. He really wanted a red robe, and loved it. The things that bring happiness to kids:)

We celebrated Birthday Week, just doing simple fun things each day. A dinner trip to Big Als, where he played some games and won a lot of tickets from prizes. He picked out a junky but fun cereal that was gone in two days. No chores on his birthday, and he woke up to balloons all over the floor of his room. He had a great week! 

Things I want to remember:

Ethan loves to tuck in his shirt each day. He'll sometimes wear a belt with his pants, and tuck that shirt in. It's so cute.

He loves wearing his watch and learning to tell the time. He wears it every day. 

He still loves to be loud and boisterous, running all over the place. 

He loves riding his bike.

He still sleeps with about 15 stuffed animals, and arranges them neatly in a row each night. So dang cute! 

He still lets me grab him at random times and pull him onto my lap to hug him. I love that.

He's just one stinking, great kid! 

Tonight, I helped the boys into bed, and read to them from "The Mouse and the Motercycle" book. Kevin quietly zonked out. Ethan was awake when I was done, and I could tuck him in and give him more love. I checked on them later, like I always do. I love taking a moment to just adore them when they are sleeping. Just to remember that everything will be ok. They are precious, and they love to be kids and be crazy sometimes. 

I love this thought.

"You will never be this loved again. So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love." AK from Power of Moms

I love the last line, 'choose a soft voice, gentle hands, choose love'. As a mom of young kids, I sure need this reminder often. Thoughts like these help me believe in myself and try again to learn this mothering stuff. Love these guys. Glad they are still little. It's going by too fast, but love the chapter we are in.

Nature Beauty and Silly Kids

The day just called us to be outside, and explore more of Washington. I am forever discovering the nature up here, and the closeness of it. Just drive about 5 minutes, and your in immense nature. This wonderful park nearyby has a lovely river flowing gently through it. It needed to be explored and cherished:) I kept gazing at the scenery, and going 'Wow, so beautiful', listening to the sounds of the water and the tree leaves moving in the wind. I kept an eye on Brooke often, as she just loves to go out in the water. The boys played with our empty snack containers, filling them with water and pouring them out to create waterfalls. We vowed to come back with buckets and shovels.

Ethan's face cracks me up. The water was not exactly a comfortable pool temperature. More on the frigid icy side. 

As we made our way to the car, the boys discovered a huge dirt pile. Tremendous joy comes from things like this. They love dirt. Reminded me of when I ordered some garden soil in Vegas, and it was dumped outisde our home. This was much bigger for them:)

It was just a good day. 

Some good memories I don't want to forget from this weekend:

I took the family to a church potluck while Shaun was working. 50% of the day was challenging with the usual parenting crap. At the dinner, I talked with a kind, older woman and asked her 'Did you have young boys? Any of them strong willed? How did you get them to listen? Sorry for being so open and poopy.' She was so kind and talked with me, sharing thoughts about her boys. Gave me the encouragement and hope I needed. 

At the dinner, the kids had a blast eating food and playing with friends. Among the food there, someone brought grilled chicken kabobs. Seriously was a tender mercy for me. Heavenly. 

I watched my boys through out the cultural hall. Ethan was enjoying the company of two girls his age, chasing them and making them laugh, and sitting in between them on the stage. So cute.

Kevin, oh Kevin:) Half of the hall was filled with kids ranging from 2-18, playing with a flood of big, bouncy balls. Balls, that's all kids need to entertain themselves. Some were playing keep away, while the older ones bounced some into the basket ball hoop.

 Then, there was Kevin, who decided to clamp onto a leg of one of the older boys, and not let go. He wrapped his legs and arms around them, laughing hysterically, and proclaiming that he was a Trex. The older boys would slowly walk around, dragging him on their legs, and it was so funny. How sweet that the boys never grew tired of him, but were kind and just played along. When Kevin would let go of one boy's leg, he instantly clamped on to another victim, and crack up. A mother of the older boys and I watched and died laughing at this scene. I wish I had a picture of it, but I decided to not run for the phone, but just enjoy the moment while it was happening. 

Brooke was happy eating food and chasing after balls. 

My kids are ok. They are funny, happy little people. They struggle, and I struggle. Sometimes I want to cry and just give up. Then, I come to myself and try to learn how I can understand them better, and what I can learn through this. It's so hard, but there's help all around. Just have to stay active, and count the blessings, in every possible way. 

My Boy Ethan

I get very contemplative each Sunday night as I attempt to plan out the week. I always think "Here's a new week to have great memories", and then all of a sudden its Friday and the week has flown by. Sometimes, the days are filled with the same, tedious routines of cleaning up, picking up, breaking up fights, keeping the kids out of mischief and trouble, and its easy to lose sight of this great gift of motherhood that I really don't want to forget. 

This sweet picture of Ethan is a sight I don't want to forget. A little while back, I was outside taking pictures of the LDS sister missionaries holding their scriptures. Ethan saw us, ran home to grab his scriptures, flew on his bike down to us, and wanted his own picture. I love his enthusiasm. I love this picture of him.

Very soon, Ethan will be celebrating his birthday. The years fly by. I know that not every day is easy with this passionate guy, but I'm trying to learn better from him, and remember that it's a gift to be his Mom. I read this quote on Pinterest that really nailed it.

"Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you'd have. It's about understanding he's exactly the person he's supposed to be. And, if you're lucky, he might be the teacher who turns you into the person you're supposed to be." The Water Giver

Seriously, such a great quote that needs printed out for me to see. This is how I feel about my sweet boy Ethan. He is my son and teacher. He loves to be loud and silly. He is so bright and is a strong leader. I can see it, but I need to remember this thought when the adversary tries to make me forget about the blessings of motherhood. 

This week, I will try again. We'll make some playdough and cookies. We'll read books snuggled a little closer. Play a few more puzzles and games. Listen and look in his eyes better, and remember that I get to be his mom, and it's great. 

St Helen's and the Parade!

Lots of adventures with the sunnier weather. First up, a little trip to the park with my kiddos. I love park days. 

A little water play in the Columbia river. Not exactly Carpinteria, but it works:) 

Our trip to see a volcano, Mt Saint Helens! Pretty epic to see it so close. Earth is truly amazing. 

Next up, a parade! When I heard about this annual parade, I wanted the kids to experience it. Parades are so fun. I got there early with Ethan to snag a spot. He loved the idea of the streets closing down, and kids running everywhere. 

 

They loved the bands, the small floats, and the free candy. Some classic cars with loud engines slowly drove past. They revved their engines super loud. Made Shaun and mine's day. 

Just making memories with the family, and I love it.